Team Minato and the Case of the Secret Admirer
by Shikiyamachi
Summary: ...in which Kakashi starts receiving anonymous gifts, Obito is not happy (and jealous, but he would deny it if asked), and Rin is a pervert and quite entertained (and very evil in Obito's opinion). ObiKaka. AU-No Kannabi Bridge.


**Rating** : T ( _for some bad language and Nohara Rin's antics_ )

 **Pairing** : Obito/Kakashi ( _ObiKaka_ )

 **Notes** : This Naruto fiction was inspired by a prompt on livejournal. I honestly have no idea what happened, but this may be considered comedy or just pure crack. Either way, this one-shot was meant to be somewhat serious but turned out to be the opposite. I enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy it just as much!

* * *

"Wow, Kakashi! Those shuriken have eight tips instead of four. This girl must be spending a fortune on you. What do you think, Obito?" Rin grinned towards her best friend who was standing a few feet away with arms crossed and his head turned away.

Their masked teammate had been receiving gifts every Saturday for the past three weeks, each item increasing in value every time. The first day, Kakashi was given three books on theory, each introducing a different subject. Kakashi's grey eyes had brightened at the third book that described lightning affinity and its uses with weaponry. It was a wise gift, as Kakashi both had a tantō and the affinity for the lighting element. Rin was amazed with his second gift, a box full of explosive tags that caused a hundred times more damage than the average tag. He had already used three of them on their previous A-ranked mission, which had been a destructive sight indeed. And third, of course, were the hira shuriken, about twenty in total.

She was almost jealous- over the gifts, not Kakashi's admirer. No, that crush was long since 'crushed' into Konoha's history. Funnily enough though, Obito had now been affected by the "Kakashi Love Bug". He never verbally admitted it, but Obito was so obvious about it. So much so that she could barely believe that Kakashi had yet to notice. She wondered if the Jōnin did realize Obito's crush, but had just decided to never address it. She felt sorry for her best friend if that was the case. But that didn't mean she would avoid teasing Obito. "Well?"

The Uchiha merely glared at her.

Rin suppressed a hearty laugh before looking back at Kakashi and patting his shoulder. "So, are you in love yet, Kakashi?" She heard a sudden choking sound behind her, provoking an evil snicker inside her head. Yes, teasing Obito was quite entertaining, and if Kakashi was embarrassed in the process, then double the points for Rin.

Much to her disappointment, Kakashi offered no gratifying reaction, only shrugging and placing the weapons back into their small container. Since the end of the third shinobi war, Kakashi had become less strict and, surprisingly to all who knew him, relaxed and borderline lazy. The transformation was so gradual that Rin couldn't even guess when he began acting the exact opposite of his younger self, but she was not complaining. Their teamwork had improved to the point that they were never forced to split up, being hired as a three-man cell for every mission. They planned and fought better as a trio: Kakashi as leader and the taijutsu specialist, Rin as the powerhouse and healer, and Obito as the ninjutsu and genjutsu specialist.

Though Minato was no longer their sensei, they still referred to themselves as Team Minato, because without the Yondaime Hokage, she and her boys wouldn't have advanced as far as they had.

Speaking of... "Hey, you should show Minato. We need to get our next assignment, so why not?"

Obito finally began interacting with them, the unflattering scowl no longer present, though she could still see a brooding glint in his eyes. "Sure, I'm feeling antsy anyway. A mission sounds good right now."

"You always are, Obito. Maybe you should get a few tips from Kakashi." Rin threw a teasing ( _wicked in anyone else's opinion_ ) grin at her friend, "...Or perhaps just osmosis a few of his quirks with one or two rounds of hot and steamy-"

"Rin~!" Obito slapped a hand over her mouth, his face resembling a large cherry with black chocolate fudge on top – Rin snorted behind his appendage with no small amount of glee in her eyes, her chest puffing out and in along with each smothered snigger. Oh how she loved Kakashi's admirer. They brought so much fun to her day.

A familiar drawl sounded from some feet away, "Are you guys gonna keep playing around, or what?"

Rin pushed Obito away with chakra-infused hands. "Kakashi, wait up!"

"This day sucks," she heard Obito mumble from behind her. She giggled the rest of the way to their Hokage.

* * *

Minato slid a mission folder towards Kakashi, grinning as the silver-haired teenager opened the file. As expected, his ex-student provided the blond with a deadpanned stare. A palpable aura of annoyance surrounded him, and an impatient Rin snatched the folder, her gaze searching until it landed on the mission rank and objective, obvious when she stared ( _more like_ _glared kunai_ ) at him as well. _Obito is not going to like this either_ , Minato thought jubilantly.

As he predicted, when Obito followed Rin's movements, he too ended up staring... and snarling. "You can't be serious, Minato! We are _way_ too qualified for this. You can't make us do this!"

The Yondaime sat back in his seat and shrugged, "If you really think so, then go ahead. Leave."

The three Jōnin exchanged infuriated expressions, silently communicating between each other. As the team leader, Kakashi sighed and surrendered, "We'll do it."

Clapping his hands, Minato sent them along. He enjoyed it when his adorable ex-students tried going against his decisions. They failed at every attempt, and he found a great deal of amusement afterwards, watching them leave his office with bowed heads and humiliation practically emitting in waves. Yes, he just loved being the Hokage.

His students... they had changed dramatically from their Chūnin days. Kakashi was carefree most of the time, though he had picked up Obito's awful habit of being late. And his excuses were excruciating to hear... at least Obito's had been truthful. Had been, because the teenager was now punctual. While he still helped children and the elderly, Obito tended to roof hop once a mission was assigned, reducing the amount of favors he'd usually receive than when running on the ground. Minato shook his head at the craziness. And Rin... since her male teammates stopped fighting each other, she had evolved from a mediator to an instigator. Her newest hobby was teasing Obito about his crush on Kakashi ( _so obvious that it was painful_ ) which caused plenty of outbursts from the Uchiha. Rin would often include the masked ninja in her joshing, but the teenager was steel. Kakashi, as far as Minato could tell, was immune to Rin's mischievous personality.

Minato stretched in his seat, groaning as a loud popping noise filled his office. He peeked to his right and smiled affectionately. On the couch laid his two-year-old son, dead asleep despite Obito's dismayed yell over Team Minato's D-rank mission. Minato quietly chuckled and whispered, "Thank goodness it takes more than Obito to wake you up, Naru-chan."

* * *

Somewhere in Konoha, a dark shadow crept through the empty apartment streets, its long tail flowing behind it. The mass slithered up a staircase and paused at one of the doors. It hissed gleefully with glowing amethyst orbs before promptly vanishing.

In its place was a cube-shaped object.

* * *

"I got it- _shit_!" Rin slipped off the tree branch she landed on, the demonic creature escaping from her grasp with a haunting roar and jagged talons. She landed in a thorny bush and screeched, vociferously cursing her despicable Hokage who deserved an execution by stoning with Rin as his executioner. She miserably crawled out of the prickly torture chamber, dreaming of sweet revenge against the most hated man in Iwagakure. She'd make a fortune with his head...

Before she could begin lamenting her impossible dream, Obito and Kakashi pulled her up from the mixture of dirt and grass that now stained her clothing. Luckily, all three of them had dressed in appropriate attire that their mission required, which included white tee-shirts, black pants and mesh gloves that stretched passed the elbow. Hand and arm protection was key for this assignment. Without it, they'd be doomed.

No, seriously.

Doomed.

Obito activated his Sharingan and carefully scanned the perimeter, grinning sadistically as he sighted their target. He pointed southward, nudging Kakashi with his elbow. The other teenager nodded with narrow eyes that held insidious intent, and behind them, Rin popped her knuckles and released a low growl from the back of her throat. All three Jōnin went forward with measured, quiet steps, and were internally dancing with joy as the monster remained in place. Only two feet away, Kakashi raised a fist to his chest and extended an index finger, followed by the middle and ring finger. With the last digit out, Team Minato hastily advanced, arms out for the capture of the immortal fiend.

Alas, they were hindered... by their worst nightmare.

Kakashi sobbed. Obito screamed. And Rin fainted.

* * *

Minato was laughing, clutching his stomach with his forehead against the desk. He then stopped and looked up, and promptly laughed again with tears streaming down his cheeks from the sheer hilarity.

Beside him on the desk, Naruto patted his father's shoulder with a baffled pout on his chubby face. Daddy was weird.

Across from the suffocating Hokage, Team Minato scowled, murder in their enraged glares.

Obito's pants had somehow become shorts, holes littering the remaining fabric. His ripped shirt was hanging off the shoulder, revealing an ugly bite mark that still bled down his collar bone. Practically every square inch of skin had a deep scratch. Leaves and twigs were stuck in his hair, as if he was growing his own personal tree on his head. His hitai-ate was in his back pocket, the cloth no longer attached to the metal.

Beside him, Kakashi shivered. From head to toe, he was soaked ( _he was going to have an aversion to Konoha's rivers, most definitely_ ). His gravity-defying hair was flat and dripping water down his back. Keeping the hair out of his eyes was his hitai-ate, which had two of his gifted eight-star shuriken sticking out of the metal. The resulting memory nearly caused an anxiety attack for Kakashi, who sniffed and sneezed consecutively. The bottom half of his shirt was burnt off, his midriff in full view with a long, three-clawed scratch above his navel. And at his feet was a small puddle that gradually expanded as Kakashi stood in place.

Rin's now sleeveless shirt was ripped and black all around the edges by fire – she didn't even know how that happened. Her right pant leg was missing and she had the worst batch of scratches, her left shoulder in particular had two distinct indentations, one caused by fangs and the other by four claws. Two full minutes of Iryō Ninjutsu, and the wounds _would_ _not_ _fade_. There was only so much impossible she could take at this point. She and her boys defeated by... Rin couldn't even think it in her head.

The three Jōnin gave up burning a hole through the Hokage's head and instead glared to the side, right at the devil incarnate... or devil _incarnates_.

They convulsed uncontrollably as the Daimyō's wife – the witch that surely grants immortality – hugged ( _squeezed_ ) three cats to her chest, each with a different colored ribbon. Rin internally moaned, swearing at the fact that she ended up having to capture Tora. Then again, she wasn't wet or as skimpy-looking, and her hair and hitai-ate was free from ruin.

Okay, never mind, better Tora than the other two menacing fiends. Sorry, boys... NOT.

Obito would forever hate the color yellow, or at least yellow bows. He had believed Tora was the number one demon in Konohagakure, but he had been wrong... so wrong. This mission had pissed him off. The assignment belonged to wretched Genin, not Jōnin of the highest caliber, but Obito was a professional. He could deal with one measly feline. But his team should have known Minato had devious intentions with that sickening, cheery grin. They had been embarrassingly naïve.

Surely leaving out information was illegal, but Minato was the Yondaime. He could bend the rules... like leaving out the fact that they were paid to capture _three_ felines instead of _one_. No, Minato decided that could remain a secret, because they'd realize the complete objective on their own... but not before being reduced to three, abused scratching posts.

Damn him.

Kakashi, fed up with the blond's antics, pulled a shuriken off his hitai-ate, aimed, and fired. Satisfaction puffed his chest as Minato yelled and collapsed backwards off the chair, his weapon lodged into the wall by one of the windows. Naruto shrieked with delight, pointing at his groaning father while Rin and Obito cackled evilly.

Kakashi smirked behind his mask, and then swiftly glared at Madam Shijimi's immortal cats, especially the blue one. They immediately halted in their complaints and cowered in their owner's arms, ironically the only thing protecting them from retribution.

He was the new top dog, err... cat... eww.

* * *

Dismissed from Minato's office and wealthier than this morning, Team Minato headed straight for the closest apartment, jumping on the roofs as fast as possible. Since Rin and Obito advanced to Jōnin status, the team had taken on more missions that required constant movement, leaving the village as fast as they had returned. As the months passed, they realized too much precious time was being wasted splitting up and rushing to their respective living spaces, and eventually, they decided to keep multiple pairs of attire at all three apartments. Rin had moved out of her family house a year ago and was now living near the entrance of Konoha. Obito's apartment was located just outside the Uchiha compound – he loved his relatives, but most of them were way too arrogant for his health – and Kakashi's was off to the left of Minato's work tower.

Kakashi rejoiced as they reached his apartment complex. Winter was right around the corner, meaning temperatures were dropping dramatically. His wet clothes were going to definitely cause a cold, and if there was anything Kakashi hated about being human and not just a powerful Shinobi, it was falling ill. While Rin could heal almost any kind of wound, she was a failure at healing viral infections. And Obito... Kakashi would rather _not_ remember the Uchiha's strategy to defeating the common cold.

Honestly, though Obito had greatly matured over the past three years, he was still an idiot, _especially_ when it came to admitting certain feelings. He may not have been an emotionless bastard like his clan, but Obito was still emotionally stunted. If only he would just-

"Kakashi, look!" Rin called out unexpectedly. Kakashi followed the direction her arm pointed and blinked.

Obito had caught sight of the package before Rin. While she stole Kakashi's attention, Obito pouted. This admirer of Kakashi's was growing bolder with each gift, and the Uchiha _hated_ it. The first time was three weeks ago, before they entered Minato's office for one of their rare C-rank missions ( _Team Minato were mainly assigned B, A, and S ranks_ ). The gift was placed in front of the doors, pink bunnies staring up at them with anthropomorphic grins. On the bow was Kakashi's name, _printed_ onto the fabric repeatedly. _Custom made ribbon_ , Obito thought bitterly.

At first he thought he was jealous _of Kakashi_ receiving the gift. After all, no one had ever given _Obito_ anything. Why _wouldn't_ he be envious of his teammate who practically had half the female population after him? But like a good friend ( _yeah, right_ ), Rin offered her condolences by whispering in his ear. "Damn, looks like someone beat you to the punch."

And boy, did that set his mind off on a million tangents.

It wasn't until that horrific day that Obito realized he _actually liked Hatake Kakashi of all people_. Rin never forgot a day to tell him how _obvious_ he was about his crush, and her daily comments had seemed so asinine at the beginning. So what if he considered the masked Jōnin's ridiculous excuses to be adorable? So what if he lost the steady beat of his heart whenever Kakashi was near? So what if he lost the ability to speak when Kakashi looked up at him with rapt attention?

That was his thought process then, which led to his ( _unfortunate_ ) revelation. Butterflies, thoughts of cute and adorable, unintelligible speech... it was like crushing on Rin all over again, only this time, it was _Kakashi_.

Maybe he had a teammate complex...?

Along with the burden of another ( _unrequited_ ) crush was Kakashi's second gift ( _at Ramen Ichiraku- the owner wouldn't say who put it there, the bastard_ ), this time swathed in fire-designed wrapping paper, appropriate for the explosive tags within. And again was the custom ribbon that Obito wanted to turn into nothing but ashes with his own personal hellfire. That day was when Obito gave up trying for willful ignorance. The misery he experienced looking at that gift had told him his feelings couldn't be ignored. ...No thanks to Rin, of course. Her teasing had only gotten worse, adding as many sexual comments into normal conversation as she could manage. Fortunately for Obito, Kakashi had _never_ been in hearing range.

And then today was the appearance of the third gift at their usual training ground, which pissed him off. His team's sacred spot where only Team Minato trained, invaded by Kakashi's stupid admirer. Obito didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't moved away from Rin and Kakashi. Probably something stupid and irreparable, as he was well aware of his own recklessness. Rin's antics weren't helping him in the least.

Her voice called out, "Obito, you're brooding like an Uchiha again."

Obito threw a glare that had sent enemy ninja running in the opposite direction, smacking into trees along the way. Rin was left unruffled. He bowed his head in disappointment, replying solemnly, "I _am_ an Uchiha."

"Only by blood, Obi-chan. Only by blood."

"Don't call me that," Obito mumbled. While there was no point in fighting Rin's insufferable nicknaming, he had to at least express his dismay... he really missed the old Rin's benign disposition.

Kakashi was already inside the apartment, having taken the gift with him. Instead of opening the package, Kakashi placed it on the floor and headed to his bathroom, folded clothes in hand. He ignored his teammates bantering and closed the door behind him, smiling fondly behind his mask. _Never change, you guys_.

* * *

"Come on, 'Kashi, open the damn thing!" Rin cursed out, excitement blatant in her voice.

All three Jōnin surrounded the fourth gift, bodies clean and wounds healed. The 'capture Tora and friends' mission had been their only assignment for the day, leaving Team Minato with some downtime they rarely had to enjoy. Days like this, they wore civilian clothes which only consisted of baggy pants and matching shirts, regular sandals on their feet. The shirts – 'Team Minato' embroidered on the back and their names on the front – was Rin's idea, explaining it away as 'team morale even when free from Shinobi work'. In reality, she just thought they were cute, and with a few well-placed threats, her boys accepted the clothes.

Kakashi shrugged and began leisurely undoing the custom ribbon, and Obito swore he was doing it on purpose with how he was humming so obnoxiously. It was like the bastard knew he was growing annoyed with each second, and kami- now he was on the purple wrapping paper and- was he going even slower...?! He grinded his teeth, tapping a finger against his thigh as each little second ticked by and yes- Bakashi _really was_ taking his damn old sweet time!

Obito abruptly stood from his sitting position and fled from the apartment, yelling expletives.

Kakashi and Rin looked at each other, sharing similarly amused expressions. Rin knew exactly what her masked teammate was doing. Her past-self would have scolded Kakashi for messing with Obito's feelings. The person she was now didn't scold him, but rather grinned and jabbed a fist towards him. "Alright! That was awesome, Kakashi!"

Her comrade matched her fist, albeit lazily. "Maa, he's just too easy."

"So you know," Rin commented jovially.

Kakashi ripped off the remaining paper on his fourth gift as he replied, "I'd be an idiot not to."

"You should tell Obito whether you like him or not." And boy, did she want her boys together. Obito would finally quit mooning over Kakashi, and Kakashi's annoying fangirls would be gone, drowning in their endless tears of utter despair. She could just imagine the beautiful sight...

Kakashi scooted away as Rin released maniacal laughter. "I could tell Obito I like him, but that wouldn't be as much fun," he said without raising his voice.

Somehow, Rin heard him over her creepy hysteria. She squealed, "Oh, yeah! They'll be crying in no time!" But then something caught her interest. "Wait. You're using this admirer to get Obito to admit his feelings, aren't you?"

"Mm... maybe." Kakashi casually threw his hands into the air, eyes forming small crescents. _If only you knew, Rin, if only you knew..._

* * *

Two more weeks had passed, which meant two more gifts after the fourth, which also meant fourteen days of absolute fun for Nohara Rin. Obito was about to explode any day now and she almost couldn't wait. Almost, since watching the Uchiha was her only entertainment these days.

Their recent batch of missions were boring and painfully easy. Rin needed a challenge, an assignment that would require the healing of herself or her teammates. No such mission had existed in the past two weeks. Kakashi hadn't even been forced to use his grandiose explosive tags Rin loved so much. Did she mention how boring their missions had been?

Rin sighed and then glanced at Obito. The teenager was nursing a cup of lemonade, as if he was actually drinking liquor. He looked so miserable and desolate on his little bar stool, and under his breath, Rin could hear him mumbling about life's unfairness. Honestly, if it wasn't so hilarious, she would be shaking her head at his stupidity. All the other Jōnin had to do was confess his feelings for Kakashi. Then he'd be able to shout sayonara to his current misery and have delectable sexy times.

Note to self: buy a camera for future sexy times. And no, she was not a pervert... really, she wasn't.

Rin would swear to the Fourth.

Sighing again, Rin exploded, her fist hitting against a palm. "O~kay, Obi-chan! When Kakashi gets back from babysitting Naru-chan, we are gonna solve the mystery of Kakashi's admirer!"

"Only you would be excited about this," moaned Obito, drowning the rest of his sugary drink. It was times like this Obito wished he was an alcoholic, or at least Mitarashi Anko's drinking partner. Either one would be great at this moment.

"Excited about what?"

Obito shrieked in surprise, tumbling off his seat and slamming his head against the floor. Once his vision stopped spinning, Obito blinked and sat up, only to meet the masked Jōnin face-to-face. The Uchiha froze, "Uh... hi?"

"Hey." Kakashi smiled behind his mask, amusement clear in his grey eyes.

Obito continued stuttering incoherently, falling back again into unconsciousness.

Rin gasped before bursting into laughter. "Ka-Kaka-Kashi-" She covered her mouth and waited until she could breathe. "Wow, that's just amazing. He is out!" Rin applauded, ignoring the patrons that glared at the commotion Team Minato was causing.

Kakashi bunched the collar of Obito's shirt and shook him, slapping him when the first attempt failed. The Uchiha's eyes remained closed as he threw an immediate punch, Kakashi just barely twisting out of the way and getting back to his feet. Obito followed with a shout, "Why'd you slap me, Bakashi?"

"Well, you see, there was a shrunken bunny hopping on your cheek and I just had to get it off of your delicate skin," Kakashi calmly responded, leaping onto a vacant stool.

Obito pointed at Kakashi, an irritated sneer on his face. "Liar!"

"Maa, maa."

Rin glanced between them, rolling her eyes when Obito kept shouting. "No! None of that 'maa' crap, Kakashi!"

The other teen shrugged, and Rin could make out a smirk from behind the mask. She knew what was coming.

"Maa."

Before Obito managed to erupt more deadly than a lava jutsu, Rin interrupted. Loudly. "Oh no! It's Maito Gai!"

Both Obito and Kakashi waved their arms around, heads turning one-eighty for an escape route that didn't exist as they scurried into a corner. Realizing the only exit was the entrance, Obito hid behind Kakashi. Unsuccessfully Rin noted, since Kakashi was a whole foot shorter. Two pairs of eyes were bulging and freaked, mouths emitting horrid screams. And kami, Rin's day was complete that very moment, for she had finally broken Kakashi's emotional barrier. Take that, Hatake!

Rin burst out laughing for the hundredth time that month.

That familiar ( _evil_ ) sound snapped Obito and Kakashi out of their ( _needless_ ) terror. The distinct lack of a bowl haircut, caterpillar eyebrows, and a green ( _garishtightunpleasanteyeburningnightmarish_ ) jumpsuit, while a wonderful thing, made them realize they had been played. Nohara Rin had struck again, but this time, she had brought Kakashi down along with Obito.

They glared, "RIN!"

...

In the end, they were kicked out of the establishment.

Permanently.

* * *

 _...Another Two Weeks Later..._

Rin walked through Konoha's streets, her left hand encased in Obito's and Kakashi's in her right. She swung their arms, singing a happy tune without a care in the world.

Well, actually, Rin was just wondering if she should burst Obito's pent-up frustration. She had the perfect idea up her sleeve, and it would be quick and easy. But if she did this, her entertainment would be over, yet her teammates would be together. Hmm... entertainment versus sexy times... hard choice...

Okay, not really.

"Uh, Rin. Why is your nose bleeding?"

"Ah!" Rin rushed forwards out of their hands and turned to face them, swiping a handkerchief out from her pocket and placing it under her nose. Her voice came out a bit stuffy, "Oh nothing, Obi-chan! Must be the weather. Ahahahahaha!"

Obito and Kakashi looked at each other with skeptical expressions, Kakashi with an eyebrow raised and Obito with narrowed eyes. _Bullshit_.

"Anyways," Rin continued deliberately. "Kakashi, did you tell Obito about your last present, the one with the message to meet her somewhere?"

At once, Obito's jaw dropped.

Kakashi, on the other hand, possessed a knowing look. The masked Jōnin reacted accordingly. "Oh, yes. I almost forgot. In fact, the meeting time is very soon, so I really should be going." He turned to leave, hands casually slipping into his pockets. There was no such meeting, but Rin had reached the end of her patience, or so it seemed.

He had the odd feeling that she had an ulterior motive.

Before Kakashi could move one step, a hand seized one of his elbows and twisted his body back around. Obito was bent over, eyes shadowed by his fringe and clutching Kakashi's arm with a shaking hand. Above him, Rin was grinning and pumping her fists with excitement and- were those hearts in her eyes?

Kakashi would have shied away from her weird aura if Obito wasn't gripping his arm so tightly. He didn't have to worry about Rin for much longer because the Uchiha had finally gathered the courage to look him in the eye, back still bent so they were the same height. Despite connecting gazes, Obito still stuttered out nonsense.

"I-I- that is to say I-I- um- that- me- I mean I! Um, I that- you shou- no- I mean I- that- I just- like I- No! You! Um- I- oh, dammit!" Obito threw his hands in the air and dropped them onto his head, rapidly running his fingers through his hair back and forth with an irritated yell. At this point he was just embarrassing himself, and oh why couldn't he just say what he wanted to say?! This was his only, _only_ chance.

Kakashi rubbed his elbow, the anticipation for a confession steadily declining, much to his disappointment. He wasn't expecting chocolates and flowers, but he wanted a full sentence at least. Sigh... maybe that was asking for too much from someone like Obito.

As he waited for Obito to compose himself, Kakashi glanced at Rin again. She seemed to be having a seizure with a white, foaming substance gathering at the corners of her mouth and beginning to pour down her chin. At least the bizarre, beating hearts were gone. _That_ had been awfully disturbing.

"Ah! Forget it! I don't care anymore!"

Kakashi was distracted from Rin's spasms by, surprisingly, words without stutters. Obito grasped Kakashi's shoulders with an unfaltering smile, as if he wasn't freaking out a moment ago. Though he liked it better when Obito was bent over. Looking up forced Kakashi to remember just how short he was compared to the rest of the Jōnin population.

He hated being short, dammit.

"Kakashi...!"

Obito's cheeks were enflamed as he brought their faces closer. If Kakashi was anybody else, he too would have been blushing red, but alas, he was Hatake Kakashi. He was too poised to respond outwardly. Inside however, chibi-Kashi was dancing like no one ever had, with high kicks and super twirls, an Obito-doll cuddled in his arms.

"I love you, Kakashi!"

The sound of fireworks crackled and popped as Rin lit their fuses, eyes crazed and an ear-splitting grin practically tearing her cheeks from her jaw. And she was giggling like one of his scary, obsessive fangirls... with another bloody nose. And somehow, someway... Obito didn't notice a thing.

Was this really his world now?

Kakashi set his sight back onto Obito, and while he could let his inner self loose, he found more amusement in his nonchalant persona. So his response was... "I know, Obito. I love you too."

He loved seeing Obito flustered.

"Wha...?! You- You _knew_?! But- but- huh?" Obito released Kakashi's shoulders and stepped back in disbelief, palms pushing against his temples as his jaw dropped... again. Two whole damn months of worry, of Rin's devil-like tendencies, those feelings of jealousy and annoyance and fear, _the_ _sexual_ _frustration_. All. For. Fucking. Nothing. Just why was the world so cruel? And why did this only happen to hi- wait. Was that...?

Obito stiffened in place as he realized Kakashi's freed lips were pressed against his in a firm kiss. With wide eyes, Obito followed the slight curve of the other's nose up to its bridge and to the long lashes of his closed eyelids. His arms automatically wrapped around Kakashi's waist, his own eyes closing as well. Kami, this was perfect, far beyond his dreams and- was someone squealing?

When hands grasped his biceps in a secure hold, Obito's mind completely blanked. The Uchiha tightened his grip on Kakashi's waist, molding their bodies together.

Kakashi smirked into the kiss, urging Obito down by the arms so he could stand on his heels and off his tiptoes. For a brief moment, Kakashi opened an eye and sought his female teammate. Rin was squealing, quite unappealingly he thought within the comfort of his own mind, with tears flowing down her face and to the ground. Did... did she have waterfalls for eyes or what?

Oh, well. Kakashi would ponder the strangeness that was Nohara Rin later.

Preferably when he _didn't_ have Obito wrapped around him.

...He'd also have to thank a certain someone later...

* * *

"Kushina, Naru-chan and I are back!"

Minato, with Naruto straddling his shoulders, greeted his wife. They watched as she finished wrapping the fourth gift this month in pure white wrapping paper, a grin lighting up her conspiring countenance. Kushina was humming quietly until the last piece of tape was placed. She cried out with excitement, "This will be great, 'ttebane!"

Naruto was set on his feet, immediately leaping into his mother's arms. He laughed happily. "Mommy, will Obi and 'Kashi be like you and Daddy soon?"

Kushina ruffled her son's hair and pumped a fist, "Of course, even if I have to break every bone in Obito's cowardly body!"

"Yay!"

As mother and son cheered, Minato sighed. Frankly, he believed Kushina and Kakashi were going too far with this secret admirer farce. Sure, Kakashi was getting the stuff he wanted to buy anyway, and Kushina was having a lot of fun, which in turn put Minato in a good mood. But poor Obito was suffering. This past week he had refused to give out missions for his old team because Obito had looked about to explode, either from extreme irritation or sexual frustration, the latter Minato would rather not ( _never_ ) think about.

He really wasn't looking forward to seeing Obito and Kakashi being lovey-dovey, or worse, Rin obsessing over their sex life. Minato knew exactly what that girl was thinking whenever he caught her staring at them, and he didn't like it. That insane glint in her eyes was from his nightmares.

Minato sighed again. For his own sanity as Yondaime Hokage, it would probably be better for the KushiKashi conspiracy to continue.

Unfortunately for Namikaze Minato, he would indeed have to suffer a love-struck Obito and Kakashi, as well as a hyped-up, perverted Rin.

May his deceased predecessors have mercy on his soul.


End file.
